A pun is the humble yet brilliant art of exploiting ambiguity — using a word or phrase that has multiple meanings, or sounds like something else, to create a comedic double meaning. Here are 60 of the finest examples, organized by category for your punning pleasure.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso!
I tried to make a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn't peeling well.
What did the lettuce say to the celery? Quit stalking me!
Two pickles fell out of a jar. One said to the other: Dill with it.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese!
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it.
Why did the baker stop making donuts? He got sick of the hole business.
What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality!
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It was feeling crummy.
What do you call a dog that can do magic? A labracadabrador!
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
Why don't cats play poker? Too many cheetahs!
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
Why can't you trust a lion? Because he's always lion!
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account? Prime mates!
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels!
What do you call a fish without eyes? A fsh!
Why don't sharks eat clowns? Because they taste funny!
What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments? An orca-stra!
How do penguins build their houses? Igloos it together!
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato!
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? Irrelephant!
What do you call a frog that's illegally parked? Toad!
What do you call a cat that gets everything it wants? Purrr-suasive!
I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
My coworker stole my thesaurus. I'm at a loss for words.
I used to work at a shoe recycling shop. It was sole-destroying.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded the dough.
Why did the accountant cross the road? To balance the books on the other side.
I'm writing a book on office supplies. It's a paper-back.
I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? He was outstanding in his field.
I invented a new word: Plagiarism.
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
A SQL query walks into a bar and asks two tables: "Can I join you?"
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? He made a mint.
I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off.
I tried to make a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing — it just waved.
Why are trees so carefree and happy? Because every fall, they let it go.
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abominable snowman!
Why did the sun go to school? To get a little brighter!
What do you call a flower that runs on electricity? A power plant!
I used to be addicted to soap. I'm clean now.
Why do geologists make great comedians? They always rock the crowd.
What happens when you stand in the rain wearing expensive shoes? You get wet — and a little battered.
Why did the leaf go to the doctor? It was feeling a little green.
I couldn't figure out how lightning works. Then it hit me.
What do you call a well-dressed lion? A dandy lion (dandelion)!
I love hiking, but sometimes the trail gets me down... and then up... and then down again.
What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious!
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. — Groucho Marx
I'm reading a book about the history of glue. I just can't put it down.
Want jokes in addition to puns? Our sister site StuneJoke.com has 60 dad jokes, 50 knock-knocks, and more!